Thanksgiving is this Thursday and I am very thankful for my family, friends, colleagues, and clients. I owe the people in my community a debt of gratitude for the inspiration and motivation to grow that they have provided me with. I appreciate the good things in my life and I acknowledge those who have made me a better person. Being a better person is hard work and I am big enough to admit that I fail when the pressure of life becomes too much.
In those stressful and pressure-filled moments, my better person has not always been on display. Events like Thanksgiving, while a day to celebrate, present opportunities for things to go wrong. I’ve had to apologize for things I’ve said or for attitudes I’ve worn on my sleeve. I have put myself in a position where I have had to say “I’m sorry” far more times than I have wanted.
Saying sorry is hard, yet harder still without a framework to tie the words together. As my gift to you this Thanksgiving, let me share with you a way to say you’re sorry. It’s called “The four F’s”:
1. For – if there is something for which you are sorry, share that with them.
2. Feel – acknowledge how they feel and let them know you understand
3. Future – explain what you will do differently in the future to ensure the problem doesn’t happen again
4. Fair – ask the other party if your solution is fair to them
Here is an example: “Joe, I am sorry for showing up late to the Thanksgiving dinner. I bet you feel like I took for granted all the hard work you put into hosting the holiday this year. In the future, I will show up on time to show respect to you. Is that fair?”
We cannot ensure that every interaction with our community of friends and family will be without its moments of drama. But we can ensure that when we act less than our best selves, we can remedy the situation quickly and genuinely. For that, I am thankful.
I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving.
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